Catholic Church, Please Shut Up

What a ridiculous little country we live in, full of hypocrisy and arcane piety. 'Limerick pubs to open on Good Friday' say the headlines; a judge has ruled that because there's a rugby match on in Limerick that Friday the pubs can open, for five whole hours. This has caused all sorts of hysteria within the Church's more conservative sheep (well, a group of sheep is a 'flock'), presumably from Limerick to Knock.

What's wrong with pubs opening I hear you ask? Well, Good Friday (which this year falls on 2 April) is the day when Jesus Christ was crucified. If you're a Christian of some sort chances are you believe that Jesus Christ is the son of the creator of the universe, or 'God' for short. Out of respect Christians might want to avoid fun or intoxication or meat that day. (Killing fish is okay though.) 'Good' Friday, they say, should be a day for mourning, for introspection, prayer and most certainly not for cheering on a local rugby team or, shock horror, elevating activity within the gamma-aminobutyric acid neurotransmitter (ie getting drunk).'Brother' Shawn O'Connor (above) in his dour asceticism warned that those who attend the game had no right to call themselves Catholics. Accompanying this were dire, apocalyptic-sounding warnings straight out of the Old Testament: 'You are serving mammon over God!' [Exclamation marks added for effect]. I have no idea what mammon is, but it sounds sufficiently weird enough to scare some people away from drinking that day. Fair enough though, at least we know where he stands.

The problem is, people will watch the match and continue to call themselves Catholics, and they can do that too. I don't care. The real reason for pointing out all these sides of the argument is simply to highlight their pettiness. I know that as a nation we have never appreciated this fact, but this country is called The Republic of Ireland. The Republic. Those who wish to observe a day without alcohol and rugby to remember a man who died (and yet didn't die) for our 'sins' are entitled to do so by whatever means they deem appropriate. Just as I, as an atheist, feel I am entitled to drink alcohol in a pub that day if I wish it. (I can't, I live in Dublin.) In Ireland one often hears the platitude 'It's only one day. We can go for one day without a drink.' Bullshit, that's not the point. What if I've gone three weeks without a drink and I just happen to fancy one that Friday? What about the tourists who will arrive in Dublin or Cork or Galway that day for the weekend and find out they can't drink a glass of wine with their evening meal or have that first-ever pint of Guinness? 'Yes, we know you're only here for two days but sorry, some philosopher was killed two thousand years ago and we want you all to solemnly think about it. Yes, even if you're a lapsed Zoroastrian.'

The Catholic Church is disgraced, and has been for a long, long time. It has no business telling me when I can and cannot have a drink, and shame on the Gardaí in Limerick for entertaining the Church's supernatural fascism. (Gardaí objected to the application with the city’s State solicitor.) I suppose I'm glad that the judge made the right decision, but it was obviously because of local business interests and not because he's some trailblazing secularist.

What will I be doing that Friday? No idea just yet. Thursday however, is a different story: I'll be down in the off-licence. And that, unlike that whole tale about Jesus Christ surviving his own death, is a certainty.